NOW I'M IN NEW YORK

Huff Puff Hustle

2012-03-01T20:42:00.000-08:00

THINGS ARE LOOKING UP!

Doesn't this look like the future and the past at the same time?

Sweatpants have such an awesome shape. It gets me every time. I miss my Uniqlo prison sweatsuit.

TO DO:

2012-02-04T15:42:00.000-08:00

Those are goals! Broken down into steps and grouped together! This is me attempting to grow up, don't tell me how I'm doing.

Duff's in Brooklyn

2012-02-04T15:05:00.000-08:00

Cheap drinks and heavy metal, one way to call my name.

Look who stayed out past her bedtime to hang out with her dear old Beth! You know, I got back to America and realized none of my friends are into going out as much as I am. I'd swear against all statistics Japan is one drunk country compared to America, but maybe it's just that all my friends were drunks? I felt out-partied all the time there, and now I find myself thinking like, am I too old for this or something? But there's a question to bore of if I ever heard one.

I Feel Boring But Wait

2012-01-29T18:46:00.000-08:00

You know, I like the clothes I wear. I like the pictures on my walls. I like the way I walk and the places I go. All of that's going just well enough at this point.

For awhile I was missing all my bad habits. I felt a little lost and weakened. I didn't know the streets and I didn't get the jokes, so I went all quiet and bewildered and I stepped softly.

Backtrack: In February I was in Tokyo letting myself get heartbroken. Early March, I finished my contract and the earthquake hit. All through May I packed and shipped and drank. Meanwhile I managed to fly to Hong Kong, Sapporo, and Kobe over a four month period. May 28th I moved out of my apartment and wandered the city crashing with friends until June 10th. Then I flew out of Tokyo, back to Oregon, where I slept on my mom's couch and worked all summer at my old hippie shop job on the Bayfront. On September 12th I moved to New York without a job. I slept at my friend's and hustled a few clams until I got my own place in early October, right before I got hired somewhere. Now I've been proper living and working in New York for about three months.

So excuse me for the delay, but I'm just starting to get my voice back. Just starting to get some righteous people in orbit, wicked Americans my age who smoke and drink and read and bring me out. Really, I'm just starting to talk and write for fun again. It's been a tangled up fucking year. I'm just stoked to feel my heels hitting the ground again. Get it!

Athens Square

2012-01-24T19:23:00.000-08:00

More like Snow Crates!

SNOW boots

2012-01-22T19:32:00.000-08:00

I've been dreading the snow. It's my first winter here, and all that snowpocalypse shit from last year has had me shaking in my water-permeable shoes. Yamagata was my first experience living with heavy snow, and skimping on shoes for the snow didn't work out very well. It's a good idea not to go too cheap on the basic things that keep you warm and dry.

These two by Sorel were my favorites but the one on the left is like $200 and the other is like half that or something. That's a whole lot of money for me right now. I tried bargain-shopping and thrifting but it looked like I find anything cute, effective and affordable before the snow hit.

It snowed Friday night and on Saturday morning I found these Airwalk boots at Payless on sale for $25! They're completely decent-looking and my toes are warm and dry. I was so relieved I almost cried. Now I don't have to tie plastic bags around my feet to get to work okay!

TIGHT

2012-01-14T15:06:00.000-08:00

I rescued my favorite cardigan while I was in Oregon AND I found this shirt in the trunk of my brother's car. Bonus. So, I hope the winter shorts trend stays around forever, because I've been doing tights with shorts for a long time and can't imagine not. I saw Japanese girls doing it ages ago -- it's not really a trend there as much as a basic combination, like jeans and a tee shirt.

random Google image, sorry if I stole it

I can see why some people think it looks weird, but I think it's really flattering to any average set of legs and can be so cute and unexpected. It's tomboy and girly at the same time, plus it gets mad grunge if you start fucking around with casual or busted up fabrics, sheer tights and lace-up boots.

Stole from her

I think I love it because it reminds me of that classic dance rehearsal outfit of a comfy top with black tights, Edie Sedgwick style. I always loved that, volume on top and slick on the bottom, like a tricky tribute to what girls look like when we're home alone, sauntering around in comfy shirts and our underwear.

Valley of the Dolls, holla!

Yeah you can get close to this with a miniskirt, obvs, but a tiny pair of shorts is even closer to getting to wear tights as pants, since you get the legs outlined all the way up to the crotch. Plus you don't have to strain to hide your panties when you take stairs/sit down/exit vehicles/lift your arms. Excellent!

Plus I basically hate wearing pants so tights and very warm coats are all I have in the winter. These brown boots look sick with these grey tights and faded shorts. The older I get, the broker and lazier I get, and the more I move around, the less clothes I carry around with me. I wear the same things constantly.

Drag to Drag

2012-01-14T14:34:00.000-08:00

Cigarettes are so bad for you but there's nothing like them and if you enjoy putting them pretty little sticks between your lips and pulling deep breaths through them and watching the smoke slip back out of you in elegant slow motion spins and curves, you're pretty fucked because you'll never get that experience from anything but cigarettes. I really love cigarettes. Everything I just described is bliss plus they're a great accessory to so many outfits, they trigger conversations with strangers that can lead to sex (true!), they give you an excuse to step out of a boring party, they replace snacks, ha! So many things I like about cigarettes.

Also, oof! I have beautiful snapshots in my memory of men lighting cigarettes, holding cigarettes between their lips as they rummaged through cabinets or brewed coffee, gently taking a cigarette from my hand to steal a drag, cupping their hands around my lighter to shield it from the wind,

There's a tumblr for this.

What is wrong with me. I'm so into cigarettes. A pack of American Spirits goes up to like $16 in New York which is the best thing that's ever happened to me because this broke bitch would clearly keep on smoking a good while longer despite her family history of lung cancer. I haven't bought a pack in a couple weeks. My friend sent me home with these five the other night. Oh, cigarettes! Oh, that we'd never met!

Don't act all pretty now

2012-01-14T14:21:00.000-08:00

Yeah, city, you look so sweet acting like you're not just sitting there waiting for the next chance to stomp on my toes, pee on my dress or throw a barrel at my head. You haven't beat me yet!

New York New Year's Eve

2012-01-02T13:56:00.000-08:00

No, I didn't go see the ball drop in Times Square. As soon as I thought about the crowds and the cages and the lack of bathrooms I was like, nah. And did you know New Year's Eve in New York is like the most expensive night in any city ever? Even really stupid bars charge like $50 covers just for that night. No thanks, this broke motherfucker would rather celebrate a bottle of Maker's. Pff, like I can afford Maker's.

Anyway, I almost never celebrate New Year's. For 2011 I'm pretty sure I just went and got drunk by myself at the bar next to my apartment. For 2010, I went out with Amanda to the only bar still open in Shibuya and got pestered all night by military douchebags on shore leave or whatever. For 2009, I bullet trained myself from Yamagata to Tokyo to meet Chie and we saw the world's most evil and despairing hotel room but also found what turned out to be my favorite bar in Tokyo. And for 2012, I didn't even have any plans until the very last minute. The one thing I always do on New Year's Eve is put on tons of eye makeup and a pretty dress, then, generally, take self-indulgent MySpace photos of myself.

With that much eyeliner, who needs an upper lip? UM, CHECK OUT THIS DRESS PLEASE. It's a Lanz cocktail dress from the early 60s, chartreuse silk with a stiff, cream-colored, shimmery lace overlay. And it's SO GOOD. I picked it up at a junk shop in Toledo, Oregon for $10 three years ago and this is the first time I've worn it out. Oh my gosh, I love it. It looks different in different lights, from sea-foam to a creamy olive, and the lining and stiffness are surprisingly forgiving. Why did I wait so long to wear it?

So I was rolling around like that for awhile, cracking into a bottle of rum someone left at my place, content to keep my broke ass at home, when suddenly Whitney texted that she was on her way with a friend to pick me up and take me to some house party on the Upper West Side. A somewhat aloof girl in a silver dress answered the door and swaaaank alert, check that place out. It was beautiful.

I like this picture because it looks like we're about to fall into a gothic romance mystery.

There was a decent number of good-looking people there. I have to tell you, the streets of New York are not as stylish as I was led to believe they would be. It's unexpectedly exciting whenever I find myself in a room full of people who know how to dress. This from an Oregonian, yes.

I love a table covered in bottles. It's a good sign. Or a bad sign. But it looks good.

Black and white.

Night drive.

And back at my place, there was nothing to eat but this can of biscuits, so I popped them suckers open and cooked them up. They weren't very good. Happy 2012!

I AM home for Christmas!

2011-12-24T21:20:00.000-08:00

I'm back in Oregon! This is awesome! Being back in America, I mean. This whole giant country's my fuckin' oyster! Look at me, I'm on that coast! Now I'm on this coast! For real, leaving Japan was such a sad affair for me, and starting over back here was so intimidating. Every day I'm super grateful to find things getting good.

I love how back in Lincoln County, Oregon, everyone's a master of every classic board game. Oregon! Where life is a rainy day. I'm so happy to be back here in the ferns and firs. And happy I'll be back in New York on Wednesday! SERIOUSLY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME.

Season's Greetings from King, his hedgehog, and my mom's couch! And me, I guess (not pictured).

Sunday Night

2011-12-18T20:49:00.000-08:00

My dream is to tell you as much as I want about the best times of my life, the exact brilliant details, the unpublishables! To wave them at you like a kid with a wild crayon drawing going "LOOK LOOK!" And to put my name on them, and my picture! And say fuck yeah, here's what I's doing!

What a fucking great song. I'm in my second-floor apartment, in bed next to the window. It's wide open and my fingers are kind of numb, but I like the cold air right now. I have the curtain tied back but with the bottom arranged so the people across the street can't see me.

Well, some of them still can. Look how close my bed is to window...

And how close I am to the street. If I don't watch out, I'm like laid out on display for the neighborhood. By the way, have you read that book? Wild Life by Molly Gloss, I highly recommend it.

Fuck yeah, Janis Joplin! You say it like nobody else. I remember when I could hardly even listen to this song, it got me so good.

What are you doing this Sunday night? Winter vacation like me?

Mirra Mirra

2011-12-18T15:23:00.000-08:00

Sweet, now I don't have to jump up and down in the bathroom or stand on the edge of the tub and twist my body all over the place to see my outfit from head-to-toe. Moving ever up in the world! This dress is from F21, the boots are a vintage pair my friend didn't want. Sucker!

Sunrise Sunset

2011-12-18T15:20:00.000-08:00

Love these seats.

Figgy Pudding Party

2011-12-18T15:17:00.000-08:00

"Hey guys, so, my roommate and I are boiling up a medieval Christmas Pudding and then we're gonna hang it up in a bundle old-school and let it season for a week and on SATURDAY NIGHT, I'm gonna soak it in brandy and turn off the lights set it on FIRE, and then we're gonna EAT IT. Then I'm gonna throw a bunch of raisins into a tray and pour brandy on them and light THEM on fire, and then I'm gonna make you pluck them out of the flames and eat them. It's called Snapdragons, I read about it on Wikipedia. It'll be wicked."

So, ew, the pudding batter looks like this. But whatever. It's medieval.

Then you tie it up in a bag and boil it for four hours. It smells pretty baller, I thought at the time.

Then you gotta hang it up to dry for a couple hours.

Then you unwrap it and it looks pretty fucked up, still. But whatever, guys, it's medieval. Then you pour brandy on it and light it on fire. BUT IT DOESN'T LIGHT ON FIRE.

So, whatever, then you try to play Snapdragons. BUT IT STILL DOESN'T LIGHT ON FIRE. So everybody gets drunk and then you wake up hungover and the whole fuckin place smells like raisins soaked in brandy and cloves and butter and that lump of pudding is still chillin on the table. Oh, well! It was fun trying.

LURCH

2011-12-16T23:55:00.001-08:00

I don't remember and can't explain, but it looks like I was thinking DRINK MUCH, NOT KNOW TIME. LOOK TREE

Aw!

2011-12-16T23:54:00.001-08:00

Look at him! I want to bite off his arm.

Christmas Shoppin

2011-12-16T23:53:00.000-08:00

I WAS THE MIRACLE THERE

No Anchovies

2011-12-16T23:52:00.000-08:00

It looks like cartoon pizza! Felt like a ninja turtle.

Patron Saint of Fuckups

2011-12-10T15:14:00.001-08:00

I finally put some stuff up on my walls. Now I'm moved in. Missed you, Rimbaud. Missed you, death-bed Keats.

Display Case

2011-12-10T14:58:00.001-08:00

WE'RE ALL JUST WAITING FOR THAT TRAIN

Attempted

2011-12-10T14:57:00.000-08:00

Remember when I used to take a lot of photos of myself in restrooms? Did you think I was gonna stop?

Sunset in Brooklyn

2011-12-10T14:52:00.001-08:00

To not growing up.

2011-12-03T15:41:00.001-08:00

Lololololol.

I am a Smoked Rat

2011-12-03T15:38:00.001-08:00

Skanky hat shopping in Forever 21 with Whitney. She dragged me to the city in last night's makeup and greasy hair. I've been having a lot of dreams about rats, probably inspired by myself.

I HAVE A BERET

2011-12-03T15:31:00.001-08:00

I don't have a full-length mirror. I have to jump up and down in front of the bathroom mirror, then stand on the edge of the bathtub to see my legs and shoes. And I don't have a camera with a timer. You don't know what I went through to share this ridiculous, pretentious outfit photo with you. You're welcome.

At Union Square

2011-12-01T21:50:00.001-08:00

In Union Square a dead end world! Just kiddin.

Pop Music

2011-11-28T20:33:00.001-08:00

Been having a very serious moment with this song.

IIIWESTENNTOWNADEADEN'WORRRLD!

Lunch at the Blue Star Deli

2011-11-28T20:32:00.001-08:00

YES I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF OK

28th St.

2011-11-20T08:24:00.001-08:00

Fake flowers,

Tin cups.

New favorite kind of window-shopping?

THIS COULD BE YOU

2011-11-19T20:33:00.001-08:00

Couch

Mattress

Bed

Look how fast I move up in a motherfucking place!

LO MEIN

2011-11-19T20:32:00.001-08:00

Very proud of this photo. "SELF-PORTRAIT WITH NOODLES. 2011. $635."

IN THE JUNGLE

2011-11-19T20:30:00.001-08:00

28th St. between 8th and 5th is all topiary, garment and bead shops. HEAVEN to walk through at any time of day.

Riding a Train

2011-11-19T20:26:00.001-08:00

Waiting for the NQ at Union Station.

Just Dance

2011-11-19T20:18:00.001-08:00

I went to a dance performance tonight. I was drunk before it started, so I can't give you a review. I remember thinking one of the scenes made me feel like a cool lesbian in 1999. Very specific.

Never stops

2011-11-19T20:15:00.001-08:00

Old fans, you know the drill. Sometimes I take photos of myself in restrooms. No, not sometimes.

And I occasionally take Instagram photos like this, which means...

Burning up for your love

2011-11-19T20:14:00.001-08:00

Today was tiring, but I knew it was mine when I saw this bin on fire.

I HAVE A BED AND A WINDOW

2011-11-18T12:55:00.001-08:00

Thank you Jesus, thank you Queens! (Thank you Ikea!) Thank you to everyone who helped this happen: BEHOLD! I have a bed and a window.

I didn't even straighten up before taking this picture because I saw that sunlight on my bed and was frantic to show it off. Holy moly! I can't imagine how high your dreams go, but this hobo here is real fucking happy to have her own bed and her own window.

Eastern Time

2011-11-12T21:54:00.000-08:00

Whitney on the Lower East Side.

Lately I think all light should be in patterns. I want to filter every bulb through bamboo screens and cleverly punctured tin cans.

When I get a ride home in a big city I take it. I don't drop my cash on taxis so I get excited when I can zoom around looking out on the streets from the inside of a car.

Sunrise Sunset

2011-11-04T16:49:00.000-07:00

I live in Astoria, Queens. It's right across the East River from Manhattan.

You can see the Manhattan skyline from a lot of places in Astoria. From the train, from Whitney's window, and from the end my street. I love stepping a little bit outside of a city and staring at it. It's like taking off a piece of jewelry to hold it in your hands and see it under the light. So dreamy.

When I lived in Portland, I liked living downtown. In Tokyo and New York, I like to live a little bit outside of the city. It takes me about 15 minutes to get to Central Park.

Halloween Slushie

2011-11-04T16:38:00.000-07:00

Um, EXCUSE me, NYC? Were you trying to prove something? Snow on Halloween Saturday, totally uncalled for.

Whitney and I found it difficult to circus in the snow. But at least we were dressed appropriately for attempting to run amok down soppy sidewalks, through gusts of slush. Attempting. It turned into a night of bedroom dancing and photo shooting, and all of this sober. Oh, well.

On Monday I was lazy and threw together this doll costume, which I ended up liking just as much as the Pierrot outfit. I've got a job at an ESL school now (of course, yeah) and all the students and staff were partying all through Halloween. My students from Eastern Europe and Russia told me I looked like a wooden nesting doll.